A jumbled pile of black-and-white magnetic poetry tiles.
Long ago, an elementary school teacher gave me the greatest gift a teacher can give—the gift of seeing something previously taken for granted in a new and different light.
Every week, our teacher gave us a sentence and told us to rewrite it every way we could think of. We’d fill up a page of lined notebook paper with sentences, reversing the order of words, changing phrases into different kinds of clauses, and finding longer or shorter ways to say the same thing over and over again. I loved this exercise. I loved the power I felt moving words around like puzzle pieces while still saying the same thing. It was only later, as a writer wrestling with my own words, that I saw how each of those iterations created a subtle shift in meaning and feeling, and that some ways were better for my intention than others.
It excites me to find a change that gives me the exact meaning and feeling I want in a sentence. As an editor, I want to help writers gain a better understanding of the effect of sentence-level changes. I want them to see all the options available.
Have you ever been asked to “tighten up” your writing, quicken or slow the pace, use a less passive voice, or remove words to fit a defined word count? Do you want a phrase or word to stand out? Want the reader to slow down and focus on the details? Want a fast-paced, tense action scene? Sentence-level changes can help you do all that and more.
For example, consider the following sentence:
He pauses and clears his throat. “You’re not ever leaving here,” he says, with menace in his voice. He looks out the window.
Is this the best line for the job? It depends.
Are all the actions necessary to the meaning? You could strip out actions to give more focus to the dialogue.
“You’re not ever leaving here,” he says, with menace in his voice.
The dialogue line is menacing already. Try removing that phrase.
“You’re not ever leaving here,” he says.
This is a strong statement, but the strongest part of it, the word “ever,” is buried in the middle. The end of a sentence is a powerful position. You can move “ever” to the end of the dialogue to give the word more impact.
“You’re not leaving here, ever,” he says.
The dialogue tag is still the last thing the reader reads. You can move the dialogue tag to the front of the sentence to keep the focus on “ever.”
He says, “You’re not leaving here, ever.”
You could change the punctuation, putting “ever” all by itself in the most powerful position in the line.
He says, “You’re not leaving here. Ever.”
You may be able to remove the dialogue tag altogether.
“You’re not leaving here. Ever.”
Now you have several options to choose from. Which one best suits your intention?
When we write a first draft, we get the words out any way we can. But they don’t have to stay that way. Sentence-level changes give us options for choosing exactly what we want to say and exactly how we want to say it.
Christine Pinto is a Developmental Editor with Allegory Editing. As a developmental editor, Christine draws on her experience as a fiction writer and writing instructor. She holds a Certificate in Writing for Children and a Certificate in Editing from the University of Washington. Over a decade of experience teaching writing to children and adults, she has gained a deep understanding of the craft of writing and strong communication skills for sharing that knowledge with writers. Christine’s own journey as a writer informs her editing work with deep empathy for writers preparing a manuscript for publication. Her interests include historical and contemporary fiction, memoir, romance, fantasy, non-fiction, technical, business writing and writing for children. You can reach Christine at christine@allegoryediting.com.
